Emerald
by Doomed to be Uke
Summary: Shou muses on the memory of when he first discovered about Johan and Judai's relationship. Even now the events of that day haunt him. How could one moment in time hurt so badly? REQUEST. Shou's POV. One-sided Judai x Shou. SHOUNEN-AI!


Title: "Emerald"

Author: Uke

Rating: PG

Pairing(s): One –sided Judai x Shou (Jaden x Syrus) from m Shou's POV, and Johan x Judai (Jesse x Jaden).

Genre: Angst, romance

A/N: This is a **REQUEST** for **DarkItachi22**. I feel really bad about this one…I got this request AGES ago and I just kept putting it off and putting it off…D: But here it finally is!! It's not what DarkItachi22 originally intended, and I apologize for that, but I just really wanted to finish it as soon as possible because it was such a long wait already. Anyway, there are many stories out there with this sort of plot so I tried my best to make it unique in its own way with my writing style and such. The reasoning behind the title is because I couldn't think of a name and so I thought of "green" as the color for jealousy and because "emerald" sounds fancier…yeah, there you go. xD Please note that this whole story is in Shou's POV. Also note that this story takes place in season 3.

Warning(s): This story contains **SHOUNEN-AI** (BOY x BOY relationships)!!!! Please DO NOT read if this offends you.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Yugioh, Yugioh GX, or any of the related characters. This story, however, is completely mine.

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Why was it like this?

I know I sounded selfish, but I was here first. I was the first person Aniki spoke to when he came here. And Aniki was the first person _I_ met here as well.

We were inseparable. I needed him and I really believed that he needed me. He was the crutch I leaned on when I was scared or anxious. Judai-kun really helped me out more than I could ever say… I was able to do so much in these past 3 years and it was all thanks to him. All of my accomplishments…the person I was today…_he_ was the person that I had to thank for all of this.

So why was I sitting here alone right now? Where was he? Why didn't we talk the way we used to anymore? Judai barely even pays attention to me. What did I do wrong?

In the beginning of the year I was ecstatic to find out that I was going to be admitted into Obelisk Blue. That was all I ever worked for…I would finally be up to my big brother's standards. Oniisan was actually PROUD of me. I felt complete.

And yet, just the fact that Judai wasn't looking at me, made me leave my dream if only for another year. Here I am, back in Ra Yellow just because my confidence became lowered once again. I want another year in Judai's dorm…maybe if I make myself stronger Judai will notice me again…maybe I need to work even harder than I have been…

But how can I try even more when I'm accepting myself less and less everyday?

…Johan Anderson…

I want to blame this all on him, but I can't even try. Johan-kun is innocent… He has no idea what he's doing to me, or what he's taking from me. He just came here with no clue in the world and found himself drawn to the person _I've _been obsessing over this whole time. And yet…even though I know all of this, I feel an extreme amount of guilt when I think that I even slightly resent him.

He took Judai-kun away from me. Johan is all Judai pays attention to now. Judai doesn't want me anymore because he found someone better… Why did Johan even have to come here!? He took away Aniki, he took away my very first love!!

It's the feelings like those that make me feel like I'm becoming such a bad person. I can't even get myself to SPEAK to Johan because of all the jealousy in my heart. Johan is so kind…he smiles at me every time he sees me. He tries to talk to me and be my friend and I ignore him every single time. Instead of seeing the carefree and sweet person that he _really_ is, I just see him as the obstacle that ended everything Judai and I could be.

I feel my eyes stinging again…I don't want to cry anymore…not over the same thing. But I can't stop the tears from falling…I never can. I never imagined anything could hurt this badly. I was alone most of my life. My older brother's protection and slight comfort was the only thing that kept me from going completely insane, and yet nothing from my past had the ability to break me as much as this single thing did.

I longed for Judai's attention again so badly. I wanted him to smile at me again, I wanted his love, I wanted him to see me the way he saw Johan.

Why was I so infatuated with fantasies that would never become real?

…That kiss…

It was that single kiss that got me the most. On a day I was feeling particularly desperate, practically dying for a chance to see Judai or be with him for at least a few minutes, that I found out that he snuck into the duel arenas again to have yet another friendly duel with Johan.

In the beginning I was polite and allowed their privacy. The times in between I wanted to go, but I was too shy to anyway. But on this day, I wanted Judai's support so badly that all my insecurities and worries were thrown aside and I rushed to find him.

But the second I got there the duel was already over. Judai, naturally, had won again, Johan's reason for the loss being his lack of the Rainbow Dragon to complete his Crystal Beast deck. But instead of seeing them both laughing on the floor or seeing them do Judai's trademark "gotcha" together – (why was Johan allowed to do that trademark as well like it also belonged to him?) – I saw something that haunted every nightmare before this day.

Judai practically leaped to Johan. And with wrapping his arms tightly around Johan's neck I saw something else;

Lips pressed against each other, bodies moved close together…

The kiss.

The dreaded kiss that managed to break my heart into millions of pieces.

At first, I froze. My body barely reacted and I just stared. Praying, hoping that what I was seeing was just an illusion created by my greatest fear.

That was just false hope.

They _were_ kissing, and the words "I love you" that came out of their mouths next when their bodies parted just made the situation worse.

Every idea I had that maybe Johan was just a friend and Judai was excited to have him around… That Judai DID have feelings for me but didn't know how to react to them…

The ideas were nothing but lies. Nothing I wanted would come true. If everything happened for a reason why did this hurt so badly?

I ran away, tears running down my face almost as fast as my legs moved. The duel disk on my arm, colored in a yellow tint, a constant reminder of what I gave up for Judai, weighed heavy and every insecurity I ever had was playing on repeat in my head.

I knew at that point, something fell out of my duel disk, but I was full of my own emotions to even care. I didn't look to see what it was.

That night I had never cried so hard. I didn't stay in the Osiris Red dorm that night, but instead I returned to my own dorm room without informing anyone where I was.

Nothing ever hurt quite that much.

But in the midst of all my crying, I was able to hear a knock on my door. I ignored it. The knock followed with some words; the voice belonging to the main cause of all my pain.

"_Shou? You're in there, aren't you? You dropped something by the Duel Arena."_

Judai Yuki. Why did he have to show up NOW of all times? He didn't care about me before. I found myself glaring, I felt like flinging my duel disk at the door in hopes to get rid of him.

But instead I did the more civilized thing. I wiped my tears away so hard that my cheeks became red. My loyalty towards Judai wouldn't allow me to just let him leave.

"_S-sorry."_ Were my words, _"I didn't hear you. What did I drop?"_ I faked a smile. I remember how much I was hoping that Judai wouldn't notice how sad I was.

Judai was thankfully just as dense as he always was, though there seemed to be something different about him this time. He held out a card, it was Power Bond.

Eyes widening, I took it from him. _"This is what fell…?" _Judai laughed slightly, _"Are you sure you weren't trying to get rid of it again?" _I knew he was joking. Judai continued to smile, _"You should be more careful. That card is really important…you're lucky that I found it and not someone that would want to steal it from you."_

I smiled, the smile of course which was still fake. _"T-thank you…"_ I remember how my voice was almost a whisper. I'm surprised Aniki even heard it at all. After I spoke he just stared at me, leaving me with nothing to do but stare back. We were quiet. Our eyes were fixed upon each other for what seemed like forever.

"_Shou…are you okay?"_

His words seemed to pierce right through me. He sounded honestly concerned. For a moment I felt as though he was returning to his title as my crutch. It was like Johan was no longer an issue and everything was back to the way it used to be.

"_I'm fine, Aniki!! You worry too much!!"_ A fake smile was plastered across my face. Judai smiled too, though his smile was almost definitely real; unless of course I couldn't read him anymore, an ability I wouldn't be surprised I lost.

Eventually he waved goodbye, I waved back. He left, I shut the door. I was alone again, Power Bond held tightly in my hand.

Things were NOT back to the way they were. Things would never be the same. The past was the past and I could never have what I wanted or even what I once had. Judai and I had grown apart. Johan was his true love. Johan was the one that got everything I ever desired. Judai belonged to him.

Power Bond…the card that held so many problems for me but also meant the world to me at the same time. It figured it was that very card that caused Judai and I to speak again. It was almost as though I had dropped that card for a reason.

I noticed something on the back of the card, a piece of paper taped on. Not understanding, I carefully peeled it off, not wanting to damage the original back of a very valuable card. It was note.

There, in sloppy handwriting that belonged to my first and probably only love, read;

"_Shou, _

_I'm sorry for what you saw. I'm sorry for everything you're feeling._

_No matter what I'll always be your aniki. I love you like a little brother._

_-Judai Yuki"_

Aniki.

My nickname to him.

I looked up to him, I suppose like an older brother though I already had a real sibling. But his title was different than the one I used for my _real_ brother. Aniki. I used it as a symbol of my love for him, to try and describe how close he exactly was to me. I sometimes felt like I didn't deserve to speak his real name, and I definitely didn't think "best friend" covered our previous relation together.

I was just his "little brother".

The note now sits underneath my Osiris Red jackets in an unused drawer in my dorm room dresser. I want to keep it just because I'm unable to throw it away, but I don't want to look at it. I hate remembering even though the memories return everyday.

Johan, I can't hate you…I never will. But that doesn't change the fact that I still feel the way I do.

The truth is I'll ALWAYS love Judai. I don't care what happens between us, or even if he changes. My feelings could never disappear.

I truly wish I was you.

-END-

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A/N: Well this is nothing like DarkItachi22 originally intended I'm sure, and I'm SO sorry for that. X.x; I just wrote what kinda came to me and I wanted to show all of Shou's emotions towards Johan and Judai's relationship. I thought the best way to do that was to put the story in his POV so I could JUST focus on Shou's feelings alone and not worry about describing anything else. I hope that you like it anyway.

Poor Shou-koi. ;o; Also, everyone, please note that I DO NOT HATE JOHAN! I'm just writing Shou's feelings. It doesn't mean I dislike him, and I DO support Spiritshipping. xD It's a story, kiddies. Remember that.

Reviews are always appreciated!! Thank you for reading!!


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